So it has been a while since I have written anything; I am sorry for that. And to be honest I am really tired right now, but I will try to give an account of my life here so far.
This quarter has been going on for 3 weeks now. I am settling into a routine. One of the things they tell us is that there needs to be balance in our lives, so while I would be most comfortable sitting in my room all night, I have been going out. This adventure in being social has turned out to be rather interesting. I hang out pretty regularly and I have joined some small groups. I have joined a photography group and I go out on the lawn and juggle with some people on Tuesday. I have also joined the Rosary Society. In addition to doing those things I join people for drinks in the evening or I join people watching Glee, even though I have a lot of problems with that show, and I go out. All of this and I still don't feel any more a part of the society of the place than I did when I first got here in August. This is something I have never experienced before, except maybe in High School. I hate the process of getting to know new people, but I have never a) given this level of effort into being social, and b) had so little to show for my efforts.
I don't mean this as some sort of 'pity me' thing, so please do not take it that way. If I spend the next three years only feeling marginally connected, then so be it. I will be in this world, but not of it, I guess.
As far as school goes, I am keeping up. I have more to do each week than I seem to be able to manage. I always feel like I am so close to being ahead of the game, but I never seem to get there. I'll let you know when I do though.
Again I am really tired; I have had a full week. Of course, every week here is a full week. There are lots of things to do in addition to school and work. Monday I went to a forum with Keith Ward. He's a British theologian who reminds me of Denholm Elliott. After that I joined some other students in a small birthday celebration for one of the Middlers. Yesterday I was up at 5:30am to work at the gym until 8:00am. After that I went to Morning Prayer, which takes place on Tuesdays at my worship advisor's house. I went to class, mass, Rosary Society and then evening prayer. I made a point of joining people to watch Glee and then I tried to get some studying in before I went to bed. This morning I was up again at 5:30 to work till 9am at the gym. After that I went to class, mass, work at the Dean's office, I skipped evening prayer because I just spent three hours cold calling people on behalf of the Annual Fund. This is the fund that helps pay for my education so I volunteered to be part of the every member canvas.
Just in case my self-esteem needed a little deflating...
I don't know what it is; I have no luck with these things. It is like gambling or anything else that requires a little luck, I suck at it. I always pick the pile of people that don't answer their phones. It was pathetic. I had one man yell at me, because he said he had already given lots of money very recently. He went on and on, and he kept asking me about things that I knew nothing about. Eventually he said to me in a truly appalled voice "Don't you know anything about the Methodist Church?" He wasn't listening when I said 'Virginia Theological Seminary' and thought I was calling from 'Wesley Theological Seminary'. He will probably pledge something.
Tomorrow is a 'Quiet Day'. It is a day when there is silence on the campus for most of the day. There will be a Eucharist and meditation in the morning and the rest of the day is for private reflection. That will be nice. I can't wait to eat lunch in complete silence; it is usually so noisy in the refectory during lunch.
Anyway, if this post seems a little down, it's because I am a little sleep deprived. I am happy here, if perhaps a little lonely.
I am reminded of a Rumi saying, "Seek not water, seek thirst."
There is a beauty in longing; a longing for love, a longing for knowledge, a longing for God. This is a place of thirst.
You're entitled to a down time, which will make the up time far sweeter.
ReplyDeleteYou're an incredibly easy person to love, Shireen. I have no doubt your new friends will figure that out soon enough.
As a military brat, I can tell you that what you are experiencing is completely normal. I moved every 1-2-3 years and with one exception (11 years old in a rural area), I never made friends right away. It generally took me about a year or so. In college, I made friends only after I joined a music fraternity that had band nerds in it like me.
ReplyDeleteWish you were here! Cause it's still not easy making friends on this end either ;).